Goodbye

Le 22 juin, Roméo s'en est allé. Le blog n'ayant désormais plus de raison d'être, je finirai sans doute par le fermer. En attendant, je le laisse en ligne pour honorer sa mémoire et pour ne pas oublier qu'avant les ténèbres, il y avait la lumière.

Chris.

On the 22nd of June, Roméo took his leave. Therefore, this blog has no reason to be anymore and I will probably shut it down eventually. In the meantime, I'm leaving it online as a tribute to him and also to remember that before darkness, there was light.

Interruption Des Programmes

Chères lectrices, cher lecteurs, humains, chats et entre-deux,

   Moins de deux mois après sa création, le blog est en péril. A quinze ans, Roméo est un vieux chat et sa santé est déclinante. Une visite chez le vétérinaire a malheureusement confirmé me spires craintes: le temps de Roméo est désormais compté. Bien qu’il suive un traitement constitué d’injections hebdomadaires et de cachets écrasés dans sa nourriture destinés à rendre ses jours plus agréables et à repousser l’inévitable, il n’existe aucun remède contre ce mal qui le ronge: la vieillesse. L’avenir de ce blog est donc plus qu’incertain. Cependant, je ne suis pas prêt à faire une croix dessus, d’autant qu’il reste plusieurs possibilités pour « poursuivre l’aventure », ne serait-ce que pour rendre hommage à ce fidèle compagnon, et par la même occasion garder le sourire. En attendant, je ne vais pas poster pendant un moment. D’abord parce que le choc de la nouvelle m’a retiré toute inspiration et toute saveur à ces échanges, et surtout, je consacre maintenant plus de temps à ce bon chat qui a du coup besoin de plus d’attention.

Chris.

Dear readers, humans, cats and in-between,

Less than two months after its creation, the blog’s very raison d’être is threatened. Now fifteen years old, Roméo is an old cat and not as healthy as he used to be. We went to the vet who confirmed it, Roméo’s on borrowed time. Though he’s being treated with pills and weekly injections destined to help him and delay the inevitable, there is no cure for what ails him : old age. Thus, the blog faces an uncertain future although I’m not quite ready to call it quits just yet. I still have a few ideas on how to carry our journey on, if only to pay tribute to my faithful companion and to keep fond memories of him instead of sad and painful ones. In the meantime I won’t be posting anything for a while seeing as I lost all inspiration and witty comments when I learnt about his condition. And most of all, I am now dedicating more time to taking care of that good ol’ cat. 

Chris.

Le Chat & La Petite Souris

Roméo: No way.
Chris: Yes way.
Roméo: I’m not going.
Chris: Funny, I didn’t remember asking you your opinion.
Roméo: But I don’t want to go!
Chris: It’s for your own good. To make you all better.
Roméo: But I’m not sick. I’m all better now.
Chris: Says the cat who accidently spit a piece his lung when he was coughing earlier.
Roméo: It wasn’t a piece of lung, it was my tooth. It fell but was still attached and hanging out of my mouth.
Chris: That it so gross. I think you scarred me for life.
Roméo: That’s because you’re a pansy. Do you think I’m going to get some money or a gift?
Chris: Why?
Roméo: Well, human children get stuff when they lose a tooth. So maybe I could get something. I made a list. Look.
Chris: You’re talking about the Tooth Fairy? Like you said it’s for human children. You’re neither human nor young. And… A signed copy of Sabrina The Teenage Witch DVDs? Seriously?
Roméo: What? It’s a good show. I’m a big fan of Salem.
Chris: You’re definitely going to the vet.

Once Again, Humans Prevail

Roméo: What are you doing?

Chris: Isn’t that obvious? I’m dancing.

Roméo: Yeah, but why?

Chris: Well, I ate two slices of chocolate cake and two slices of another delicious cake. So life is good.

Roméo: Yes. Wonderful.

Chris: And to top it all, Mufasa liked my present! He actually liked it! This is so cool!

Roméo: Do you have to rub it in my face?

Chris: Oh, sorry. I forgot you didn’t give him anything. 

Roméo: Well it’s not my fault I couldn’t find the head. 

Chris: Somehow I don’t think that was the main issue.

Roméo: How was I supposed to know that decomposition worked so fast? 

Chris: Maybe next time you could go with a less… err… disgusting gift? Buy him a tee-shirt or something.

Roméo: Whatever. For all you know, your brother could have been pretending to like your gift.

Chris: You’re a dick, you know that?

And How Does That Make You Feel?

Chris: I feel like shit.

Roméo: Why? What happened? I thought you had a good day?

Chris: I did. But I still feel awful.

Roméo: You saw Cel, right?

Chris: Yes.

Roméo: You had a good time with her?

Chris: Yes.

Roméo: You enjoyed the movie?

Chris: Yes.

Roméo: You found a gift for your brother?

Chris: Yes.

Roméo: A cheap and crappy gift?

Chris: Yes.

Roméo: Then what? Those things usually make you very happy. Especially the last one.

Chris: I know. But I feel bad. I should have gotten him something better. A real present.

Roméo: Wow. You did not just say that. Who are you and what have you done with Chris?

Chris: I’m not possessed, believe me.

Roméo: I don’t. But if it makes you feel better, we can say you helped me chase the present I’m going to give him. As soon as I find that damned head! 

All right, Mr. DeMille. I'm ready for my close up.

Roméo: I want a part in your movie.

Chris: Huh?

Roméo: Your movie. You’re writing a movie, right? Well, I want a part in it.

Chris: Okay. Let me think about it… Nope.

Roméo: Why?

Chris: Just because. You can’t be in my movie.

Roméo: But I’ve read your script. It needs a cat. A heroic, dashing cat to save the day. And I’ve got the perfect cat for the job: me.

Chris: That script is not even finished! It’s only 20 pages long, I’ve got a writer’s block.

Roméo: That’s because there’s no cat. Try to put one in it and you’ll see. You’ll have a 100 pages in no time.

Chris: Nu-uh. Never gonna happen. There’s no room for a cat in the story, and even if there was, I wouldn’t pick you.

Roméo: Hey, I’ll have you know that I almost made it to Hollywood back in the days.

Chris: Reeeeally?

Roméo: Yes. Remember that  movie, Garfield ? Well, I almost got the lead. 

Chris: Garfield is CGI.

Roméo: I know. But before that, I auditioned and almost got the part.

Chris: Almost? What happened? You fit the profile. Lazy, self-centered, sarastic, cynical...

Roméo: I know, right? They said it was like the movie was written for me. Alas, I fell asleep during the audition. After that, they decided to go with CGI.

Chris: Sorry about that.

Roméo: Me too. And this CGI guy is a terrible actor. He looks fake.

Chris: … 

Killing People Is Rude

Roméo: Telepathic! Telepathic! I’ll give you telepathic!

Chris: What’s wrong?

Roméo: I decided that we’re going to nuke Korea as soon as we take over the world.

Chris: What!? Why?

Roméo: V.

Chris: What about him?

Roméo: We’re going to nuke his ass off!

Chris: We can’t do that! V’s one of my best friends!

Roméo: Not anymore. 

Chris: Be reasonable. You can’t nuke a whole country just to kill one person. And we’re definitely not killing V.

Roméo: Yes we are!

Chris: What has he ever done to you?

Roméo: I heard you the other day. He said we’re having “telepathic conversations”!

Chris: So?

Roméo: So, we are not. Just because he can’t understand what I’m saying doesn’t mean I’m not speaking at all. It’s rude to assume such things.

Chris: And that’s why you want to nuke Korea? Because he said that?

Roméo: Damn right!

Chris: But you can’t!

Roméo: I know I can’t right now. We haven’t taken over the world yet but as soon as we do…

Chris: No! I mean you can’t because if you kill him, you kill half of our readers!

Roméo: What? Koreans are reading us?

Chris: No! I meant him. He’s one of the only two readers we have. That’s why you can’t kill him if you ever want to be famous.

Roméo: Oh.

Roméo: Damn. 

Chris: I know.

Roméo: I thought we were more popular than that. 

An Impossible Task

Roméo: I don’t get what you’re doing this.

Chris: Because it’s tradition. And, according to my parents and to genetics, he’s my brother.

Roméo: I know, but usually you just…

Chris: … don’t care? Damn right! And I still don’t. But it’s the big 18. It’ll look bad if I don’t at least make an effort.

Roméo: Okay. So, you got any idea?

Chris: Nope. All I know is that it has to be cheap enough so I can afford it.

Roméo: You could draw his portrait. That would cost you nothing.

Chris: Nothing besides nightmare. And I told you, I don’t know how to draw lions.

Roméo: Oh, I got one! What about chocolate? He loves chocolate!

Chris: Yeah… But I would probably eat them before even getting home.

Roméo: You’re really not making this easy. At least, I don’t have to buy him anything. Ah, the joy of being me!

Chris: That’s pretty unfair if you ask me.

Roméo: Oh, but I’m still getting him something.

Chris: Really? What did you buy him? Maybe I could say we purchased it together?

Roméo: Err… I didn't purchase it per se. More like… chased it. I’m keeping it somewhere in the garden. But I can’t find the head, I hope he doesn’t mind.

Chris: I think I’m going to throw up.

Job Hunting 1

Chris: Okay… Butcher… Ew. Definitely a no. 

Roméo: What are you doing? 

Chris: Job hunting.

Roméo: Again?

Chris: Well, you may have noticed that I still don’t have a job.

Roméo: I thought your job was to take care of me.

Chris: No, I’m taking care of you because I’m a masochist, and because nobody else will.

Roméo: Right. So what do you have so far?

Chris: Butcher.

Roméo: Ew, gross.

Chris: My thoughts exactly.

Roméo: What about this one? They’re looking for a cook, no experience or diplomas needed.

Chris: I hate cooking.

Roméo: But you’re always baking cakes.

Chris: No I’m not, and it’s not the same thing. I bake chocolate cakes to eat them. I’m not a cook. Plus, I don’t think setting their kitchen on fire would get me a gold star.

Roméo: Probably not. What about this one? Hair dresser…

Chris: No way. I can barely do my hair correctly.

Roméo: Well, you know what they say about doctors being the worst patients. It works for hair dressers too.

Chris: Ah yes. But no, I’m still not interested in listening to old women’s gossip all day long. I already have to listen to you bitching all day long.

Roméo: That’s not true, I don’t bitch, I… I strongly express my opinion.

Chris: Right. I’m tired of this, let’s go watch CSI instead.

Roméo: I thought you’d never ask!

Weapons Of Ears Destruction

Roméo: Hey!

Chris: …

Roméo: Hello?

Chris: …

Roméo: What’s going on?

Chris: I’m not talking to you.

Roméo: Why? What’s wrong?

Chris: You’re asking me what’s wrong? Seriously?

Roméo: I thought that was obvious.

Chris: You want to know what’s wrong? Okay, I’ll tell you! It’s you! You, you stupid deaf, power hungry, noisy, lazy cat!

Roméo: Don’t you think it’s funny you just described yourself, save for the cat part?

Chris: Argh! I hate you!

Roméo: Can I at least know what I did wrong?

Chris: You snored! You fraking snored again! With Mufasa out of the house I thought I could sleep undisturbed for once but noooo! You had to come, sleep on my bed, and snore my ear off!

Roméo: I always sleep in your room…

Chris: Yes, and that is fine. But there’s a strict “no snoring” rule! You can’t snore! 

Roméo: Well, it’s not like I can help it.

Chris: I don’t care! What is it, huh? You and Mufasa are ganging up on me, aren’t you? Is this your masterplan? Driving me crazy with the snoring and then take advantage of my sleep deprivation to attack me, is that it?

Roméo: No! Of course not! I’m sorry, I’ll try to refrain.

Chris: You’d better. Next time, I’m throwing you out. Plus that plan would never work in a million years.

Roméo: I know. (Don’t be so sure about that! Mwa ah ah!!!)

A (Boring) Day In The Life

Roméo: Hey.
Chris: Hey.
Roméo: …
Chris: …
Roméo: You too, eh?
Chris: Yeah.
Roméo: …
Chris: …
Roméo: We could do something.
Chris: Got an idea?
Roméo: …
Roméo: No. You?
Chris: Nope.
Roméo: …
Chris: …
Roméo: …
Chris: Still nothing?
Roméo: Still nothing.
Chris: …
Roméo: …
Chris: I’m so bored right now.
Roméo: Yeah, me too.

The Dangers Of The Internet

Roméo: Hum… 26, brunette, petite… Any picture? Ah yes! Oh no. Ewww. 

Roméo: 30, blonde… Nice legs! For a human anyway. A bit old though. 

Roméo: Ah! 22… Demona666 ? What kind of name is that?

Chris: Hey, watcha doin’?

Roméo: Nothing!

Chris: Is that…

Roméo: No it’s not!

Chris: What are you doing on my myspace page?

Roméo: Err… Nothing.

Chris: What is this? What… who is Demona666?

Roméo: I was wondering myself. Look at her pic. She’s a goth. Kind of pretty.

Chris: What the hell are you doing on my myspace page? Even better, what are you doing on my computer?

Roméo: I’m managing your myspace. Right now, I’m sorting through all your friends.

Chris: I don’t have friends on myspace. I almost never use myspace. 

Roméo: Yes you do. You just don’t know it. Now you have 103 friends, all chosen by yours truly. I had no idea there were so many ugly people. Some girls are so hairy they look like cats! Kinda scary!

Chris: Wha… How… Okay, stop!

Roméo: Look at their profiles. I’ve picked the best looking humans! All you have to do is choose.

Chris: Are you trying to set me up on a virtual blind date?

Roméo: I’m trying to get you a life!

Chris: A virtual life!

Roméo: Yeah. But given the state of things, I think you are that desperate. 

Chris: …

Roméo: So?

Chris: Okay.

Roméo: Really?

Chris: Yeah. Scoot. I want to check out Demona666’s profile. Look, she lives in Paris.

Roméo: Yeah, it’s a bit far.

Chris: No, it’s perfect. Can you imagine if we get along? We could go out, get together. I would go to Paris everyday to see her.

Roméo: Great.

Chris: That’s cool. I’m going to send her a message. And then, I’ll help you find someone.

Roméo: I don’t think there’s a myspace for cats.

Chris: No! Not that kind of someone. I meant someone to look after you. I won’t have time for you now, with Demona666.

Roméo: Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.

Chris: It’s so cool! “Hi, my name is Chris. I’m 23…”

Roméo: You know what? Myspace is not that great after all. Let me erase all that stuff and then we’ll watch something. How about that?

Chris: Perfect. (Take that, you meddlesome cat!)

Biohazard & Eternal Love

Roméo: Have you seen the news this morning?

Chris: Hum? No. I was busy.

Roméo: Doing what?

Chris: Painting my toenails. I found this new color, they call it “Amour Eternel”.

Roméo: Really?

Chris: Of course not, you dumbass. I was sleeping! That’s what I do in the morning.

Roméo: Oh.

Chris: Why are you asking me that anyway? You never watch the news.

Roméo: It’s just… I’m worried.

Chris: About what?

Roméo: The swine flu. It’s getting worse.

Chris: So?

Roméo: I don’t want you to catch it.

Chris: Nah, I’m pretty sure I’m safe. Don’t worry.

Roméo: I can’t help it.

Chris: You really are concerned for me? I didn’t know you care so much. That’s kind of sweet.

Roméo: Well, yeah. Who’s going to feed me if you get sick?

Chris: I don’t know why I didn’t see this one coming.

The Battlestar Galactica Artwork Trilogy

The Aftermath

Roméo: I concede victory. So, how was it?

Chris: Hum? Oh, good.

Roméo: Good? That’s all? You were at your favorite TV show's convention. You got to meet three of your favorite actors, you got to spend the day with one of your best friend and reconnect with another and it was just good?

Chris: Yep.

Roméo: What happened? Didn’t you get your artwork signed?

Chris: No. The actors just came and went. 

Roméo: Oh. Sorry.

Chris: Yeah, I’m pretty bummed about that. I would have liked for them to at least take a look at it. But there were so many people, it was a mess.

Roméo: But the convention itself? How did it go? 

Chris: It went okay. I think she looked at me, you know? Mary McDonnell.

Roméo: Yeah, right.

Chris: No really. When we were in the theater, while that guy was asking them stupid questions. I could have sworn she was staring right at me with a smile and her usual kind expression.

Roméo: Talk about wishful thinking. I believe the clinical term for what you are is “delusional”.

Chris: Whatever. We were seated close to the stage and I was taller than most people around me. So she could have noticed me.

Roméo: Yeah, keep dreaming.

Chris: Anyway, I’m thinking of sending my artwork to her via her agent. Maybe even write her a few words.

Roméo: What for?

Chris: I don’t know. I just… I don’t want this all to be for nothing.

Roméo: Right. Well, just make sure you mention my name. Tell her I’m her biggest fan.

Chris: Sure.

One Last Try

Roméo: This is now or never. I have to act quickly.
Roméo: Okay. I’m all set. This time, it’s going to work, I know it will.
Roméo: This place is pretty cool. Comfortable even. But what matters the most is that he isn’t going to find me here. Not until it’s too late anyway.
Roméo: Sometimes, it amazes me how clever and cunning I am.
Roméo: The only thing I have to do now is wait. And not fall asleep.
Roméo: I don’t know how he does that but somehow, he knows when I’m sleeping comfortably. Something about “purring so loud that even the neighbors can hear you”. Whatever that means.
Roméo: So no falling asleep.
Roméo: This place is really comfy.
Roméo: Okay so maybe, I can just close my eyes for a few seconds.
Roméo: No! I need to stay awake.
Roméo: Just a few seconds isn’t going to do anything, he won’t even notice.
Roméo: Just for a minute.
Roméo: …
Roméo: Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Chris: Roméo?
Chris: Where’s that cat hidden this time?
Chris: I can hear you purring Roméo!
Chris: Wait. Is this coming from…
Roméo: Ouch! Hey, take it easy!
Chris: What the hell are you doing in there?
Roméo: Errr…
Chris: No way! Unbelievable! You thought I wouldn’t notice you sleeping in my bag? You really thought I would take you to Paris with me without noticing?
Roméo: …
Chris: You’re insane. And stupid. After all these years, you still manage to surprise me!
Roméo: So, can I come?
Chris: No. You’re. Not. Coming. And that’s final. Look, at all the hair you left! That bag is brand new! And not as in "brand new hiding place"! Go away you idiotic furball!
Roméo: Don’t think it’s over! I’m going with you whether you like it or not! Argh! To be outsmarted by a mere human!

Cold War

Roméo: Oh! Pretty!
Chris: …
Roméo: You're going to get those signed?
Chris: …
Roméo: Well, I hope you do. They look great. You must have spent a lot of time working on them.
Chris: …
Roméo: You know, I really am over this. As long as one of us is going there, I’m good. You’ll tell me all about it though, won’t you?
Chris: …
Roméo: This is getting ridiculous!
Chris: …
Roméo: I’ll miss you, you know?
Chris: …
Roméo: Oh, come on! You’re not going to ignore me all the time, are you?
Chris: …
Roméo: Okay. If that’s how you’re going to play this, two can play that game!
Chris: …
Roméo: I’m hungry.
Chris: …
Roméo: Even if I call you master?
Chris: …
Roméo: This is pointless. (Not to self: flattery doesn’t work. I’ll have to come up with something better.)

War At Home

Chris: I fraking knew it! How could you do this to me?!
Roméo: What?
Chris: Oh, don’t play innocent with me! I know everything! Everything! I can’t believe you would do something like this to me! After all this time!
Roméo: Err… I already apologized about the sock incident!
Chris: I’m not talking about that! I’m talking about the fact that you’re been planning to fraking kill me!
Roméo: What? No! Are you crazy?!
Chris: Right! So that’s how we’re doing this? Doesn’t matter! It’s all perfectly clear now! The dead animals, the unusual friendliness, the staring contests, the staying up at night, it all makes sense! You’ve been studying me for years to come up with the best way to kill me!
Roméo: Can I ask where all of this is coming from?
Chris: Oli sent me this link that took me to a test on the Internet! See, even he’s been suspicious of you. I should have listened to him.
Roméo: I’m not plotting to kill you. I thought we were planning to take over the world together.
Chris: But we’re not. You just want it all to yourself!
Roméo: You’re being paranoid.
Chris: Oh wait! This is about the Battlestar Galactica convention! This is payback for me going without you! So what? You’re going to kill me just because of that, is that it? I thought you were over this!
Roméo: I am over it for frak’s sake!
Chris: But I’m not going to make this easy for you buddy, oh no. You thought I’d be an easy prey! Well, guess what, you were wrong! Just watch me. This is war.
Roméo: I am not trying to kill you. I still need you to feed me everyday.
Chris: You’ll have to find someone else!
Roméo: You’re crazy!
Roméo: (Great, now he knows. He wasn’t supposed to find out! Note to self: add Oli to the list of targets, contact our closest agent).

Love It Or Hate It

Roméo: I love Sundays.
Chris: Me too.
Roméo: I think I like every day.
Chris: I don’t like Mondays too much.
Roméo: But I think I like Sundays the most. Everybody’s home and resting. No work and stuff.
Chris: It’s not like you have a job. You’re always not working.
Roméo: And you are? But that’s beside the point. I like Sundays.
Chris: Yeah, I got that.
Roméo: And now, V’s parents are back, everything’s back to normal.
Chris: Ooooh! I should have seen this one coming. You don’t like Sundays, you’re just happy because now I don’t have to go and feed their cat.
Roméo: You bet I am. No other cat, no dinosaurs, nothing but me, me, and me.
Chris: Princess is not a dinosaur. And sorry to burst your bubble but I’ll be quite busy this week to be at your beck and call. I have tons of things to do before my little trip to Paris.
Roméo: Right. How could I ever forget.
Chris: It’s going to be great, you’ll see. Oh, no you won’t. ‘Cause you won’t be there! I can’t wait for next Sunday!
Roméo: I hate Sundays.

Let Me Entertain You

Chris: I feel so good right now!
Roméo: What? Enjoying your time with your new BFF?
Chris: What?
Roméo: You know what I mean. Her.
Chris: I don’t know what scares me the most. The fact that you know that word or the fact that you know what it means. You read way too much online gossip.
Roméo: Well, I have to entertain myself, don’t I? You’re boring.
Chris: Right. And no, she’s not my new “BFF”. I’m happy because I finally took pictures of Princess. Look.
Roméo: So now you give her a nickname? God, she’s ugly! And huge. She looks weird. Cats aren’t supposed to look like that.
Chris: That’s probably because she’s not a cat, you idiot. It’s Princess, not V’s cat.
Roméo: And who, or what is she? A dinosaur?
Chris: No! She’s a pony! And you know her! It’s Princess! She’s always been here!
Roméo: Nope, never seen that… thing before.
Chris: She’s not a thing! Argh! You’re annoying! I thought you’d be interested!
Roméo: Well, I’m not. I don’t care about your stupid dinosaur. I want to watch CSI.
Chris: Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

Fear Itself

Roméo: You’re really going to do it?
Chris: I guess so.
Roméo: But… I mean, you’re sure?
Chris: Of course I’m not sure, but what choice do I have?
Roméo: I don’t know. You could sell it? Burn it, shred it, I don’t care.
Chris: Are you insane? I can’t do that!
Roméo: But this thing is dangerous. Lethal.
Chris: I know.
Roméo: Then why are you doing it? What good can possibly come out of this?
Chris: Because it’s too late. I can’t get rid of it. I said I would do it, so I’m doing it.
Roméo: What if you get hurt?
Chris: I won’t.
Roméo: But what if you do?
Chris: I survived last time.
Roméo: Cel was here with you last time. I was too. But I’m not sticking around this time.
Chris: I’m a big boy, I’ll survive.
Roméo: But what if you don’t? Who’s going to feed me if you die?
Chris: I’m really touched by your concern for me.
Roméo: You’re welcome.
Chris: And quit being so melodramatic. I’m not going to die. It’s just a book.
Roméo: Yeah, that’s what you said about the movie, you said "it's just a movie". Look how well that turned out. I still have nightmares, you know?
Chris: That’s because you’re a wuss. It’s just a book.
Roméo: No, it’s not. It’s New Moon.
Chris: So?
Roméo: I just want to make sure I’ll still be able to sleep in your room after you’re gone, that’s all.

The Green Eyed Monster

Roméo: Why are you doing this?
Chris: What?
Roméo: What does she have that I don’t?
Chris: Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?
Roméo: I’m talking about her. The other one. V’s cat.
Chris: What about her?
Roméo: You’re going to feed her. Why?
Chris: Because I was asked to. I’m doing a favor for V’s mom. I don’t see what’s the big deal.
Roméo: The big deal is that you’re asked to feed that… that cat and you do it, just like that. But when it comes to feeding me, that’s another story.
Chris: Wow! I can’t believe it. You’re jealous.
Roméo: No I’m not.
Chris: Yes you are. You’d be green with envy if it was physically possible.
Roméo: …
Chris: Are you hungry right now?
Roméo: No. I just ate.
Chris: That’s right. And who fed you?
Roméo: That’s not the point.
Chris: This is exactly the point. I’m not going to stop feeding you just because I’m going to feed V’s cat for four days. It’s not like I’m going to invite her to a tea party or anything.
Roméo: Really?
Chris: Of course. I’m not going to abandon you, you old rag. Now move over, I don’t know where you’ve been, but you stink.

To Kill a Mocking Cat

Roméo: You look stupid with those things.
Chris: And you look stupid all the time. So, I think I’m good.
Roméo: What happened anyway?
Chris: You know what happened.
Roméo: No I don’t.
Chris: Yes, you do.
Roméo: I just want to hear you say it.
Chris: Tough luck.
Roméo: So you’re going in town with those crutches?
Chris: It’s not like I can walk on my hands.
Roméo: But you’ll look ridiculous, I’ve seen you practicing, and you look like a walking disaster.
Chris: Glad I amuse you.
Roméo: Does it hurt?
Chris: You know it does.
Roméo: But does it hurt very much?
Chris: You do know that I won’t hesitate to hit you with those crutches, right?

De L'Hivers au Printemps

Introductions

Roméo : So…
Chris : So what ?
Roméo : So maybe you can introduce me now ?
Chris : Why ? I should introduce myself. People already know you. You’re even on the damn banner.
Roméo : Yeah, what’s up with that by the way ? I am not a cucumber. And you’re always writing about me. Get a life, dude.
Chris : First, don’t call me dude, it’s creepy. And second, stop bugging me, you love the attention.
Roméo: You still need to get a life.
Chris: And you need to be fed five times a day. By me. So Stop. Bugging. Me.
Roméo: Now that you’re talking about it, I am hungry.
Chris: So what do you say?
Roméo: …
Chris: I’m waiting.
Roméo: Okay, you win. I’m sorry, Master.
Chris: See, that wasn’t so hard.

How It All Began

It’s time for you to meet the most incredible, lethal and witty duo of supervillains in training. This duo is comprised of most handsome and clever 23 years old human male you’ll ever meet, me, and his faithful partner in crime, Roméo, a 15 years old, psychotic looking and lazy cat. Bear witness as we take over the world, one argument at a time. Lucky you!
- Chris & Roméo -