Biohazard & Eternal Love

Roméo: Have you seen the news this morning?

Chris: Hum? No. I was busy.

Roméo: Doing what?

Chris: Painting my toenails. I found this new color, they call it “Amour Eternel”.

Roméo: Really?

Chris: Of course not, you dumbass. I was sleeping! That’s what I do in the morning.

Roméo: Oh.

Chris: Why are you asking me that anyway? You never watch the news.

Roméo: It’s just… I’m worried.

Chris: About what?

Roméo: The swine flu. It’s getting worse.

Chris: So?

Roméo: I don’t want you to catch it.

Chris: Nah, I’m pretty sure I’m safe. Don’t worry.

Roméo: I can’t help it.

Chris: You really are concerned for me? I didn’t know you care so much. That’s kind of sweet.

Roméo: Well, yeah. Who’s going to feed me if you get sick?

Chris: I don’t know why I didn’t see this one coming.

The Battlestar Galactica Artwork Trilogy

The Aftermath

Roméo: I concede victory. So, how was it?

Chris: Hum? Oh, good.

Roméo: Good? That’s all? You were at your favorite TV show's convention. You got to meet three of your favorite actors, you got to spend the day with one of your best friend and reconnect with another and it was just good?

Chris: Yep.

Roméo: What happened? Didn’t you get your artwork signed?

Chris: No. The actors just came and went. 

Roméo: Oh. Sorry.

Chris: Yeah, I’m pretty bummed about that. I would have liked for them to at least take a look at it. But there were so many people, it was a mess.

Roméo: But the convention itself? How did it go? 

Chris: It went okay. I think she looked at me, you know? Mary McDonnell.

Roméo: Yeah, right.

Chris: No really. When we were in the theater, while that guy was asking them stupid questions. I could have sworn she was staring right at me with a smile and her usual kind expression.

Roméo: Talk about wishful thinking. I believe the clinical term for what you are is “delusional”.

Chris: Whatever. We were seated close to the stage and I was taller than most people around me. So she could have noticed me.

Roméo: Yeah, keep dreaming.

Chris: Anyway, I’m thinking of sending my artwork to her via her agent. Maybe even write her a few words.

Roméo: What for?

Chris: I don’t know. I just… I don’t want this all to be for nothing.

Roméo: Right. Well, just make sure you mention my name. Tell her I’m her biggest fan.

Chris: Sure.

One Last Try

Roméo: This is now or never. I have to act quickly.
Roméo: Okay. I’m all set. This time, it’s going to work, I know it will.
Roméo: This place is pretty cool. Comfortable even. But what matters the most is that he isn’t going to find me here. Not until it’s too late anyway.
Roméo: Sometimes, it amazes me how clever and cunning I am.
Roméo: The only thing I have to do now is wait. And not fall asleep.
Roméo: I don’t know how he does that but somehow, he knows when I’m sleeping comfortably. Something about “purring so loud that even the neighbors can hear you”. Whatever that means.
Roméo: So no falling asleep.
Roméo: This place is really comfy.
Roméo: Okay so maybe, I can just close my eyes for a few seconds.
Roméo: No! I need to stay awake.
Roméo: Just a few seconds isn’t going to do anything, he won’t even notice.
Roméo: Just for a minute.
Roméo: …
Roméo: Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Chris: Roméo?
Chris: Where’s that cat hidden this time?
Chris: I can hear you purring Roméo!
Chris: Wait. Is this coming from…
Roméo: Ouch! Hey, take it easy!
Chris: What the hell are you doing in there?
Roméo: Errr…
Chris: No way! Unbelievable! You thought I wouldn’t notice you sleeping in my bag? You really thought I would take you to Paris with me without noticing?
Roméo: …
Chris: You’re insane. And stupid. After all these years, you still manage to surprise me!
Roméo: So, can I come?
Chris: No. You’re. Not. Coming. And that’s final. Look, at all the hair you left! That bag is brand new! And not as in "brand new hiding place"! Go away you idiotic furball!
Roméo: Don’t think it’s over! I’m going with you whether you like it or not! Argh! To be outsmarted by a mere human!

Cold War

Roméo: Oh! Pretty!
Chris: …
Roméo: You're going to get those signed?
Chris: …
Roméo: Well, I hope you do. They look great. You must have spent a lot of time working on them.
Chris: …
Roméo: You know, I really am over this. As long as one of us is going there, I’m good. You’ll tell me all about it though, won’t you?
Chris: …
Roméo: This is getting ridiculous!
Chris: …
Roméo: I’ll miss you, you know?
Chris: …
Roméo: Oh, come on! You’re not going to ignore me all the time, are you?
Chris: …
Roméo: Okay. If that’s how you’re going to play this, two can play that game!
Chris: …
Roméo: I’m hungry.
Chris: …
Roméo: Even if I call you master?
Chris: …
Roméo: This is pointless. (Not to self: flattery doesn’t work. I’ll have to come up with something better.)

War At Home

Chris: I fraking knew it! How could you do this to me?!
Roméo: What?
Chris: Oh, don’t play innocent with me! I know everything! Everything! I can’t believe you would do something like this to me! After all this time!
Roméo: Err… I already apologized about the sock incident!
Chris: I’m not talking about that! I’m talking about the fact that you’re been planning to fraking kill me!
Roméo: What? No! Are you crazy?!
Chris: Right! So that’s how we’re doing this? Doesn’t matter! It’s all perfectly clear now! The dead animals, the unusual friendliness, the staring contests, the staying up at night, it all makes sense! You’ve been studying me for years to come up with the best way to kill me!
Roméo: Can I ask where all of this is coming from?
Chris: Oli sent me this link that took me to a test on the Internet! See, even he’s been suspicious of you. I should have listened to him.
Roméo: I’m not plotting to kill you. I thought we were planning to take over the world together.
Chris: But we’re not. You just want it all to yourself!
Roméo: You’re being paranoid.
Chris: Oh wait! This is about the Battlestar Galactica convention! This is payback for me going without you! So what? You’re going to kill me just because of that, is that it? I thought you were over this!
Roméo: I am over it for frak’s sake!
Chris: But I’m not going to make this easy for you buddy, oh no. You thought I’d be an easy prey! Well, guess what, you were wrong! Just watch me. This is war.
Roméo: I am not trying to kill you. I still need you to feed me everyday.
Chris: You’ll have to find someone else!
Roméo: You’re crazy!
Roméo: (Great, now he knows. He wasn’t supposed to find out! Note to self: add Oli to the list of targets, contact our closest agent).

Love It Or Hate It

Roméo: I love Sundays.
Chris: Me too.
Roméo: I think I like every day.
Chris: I don’t like Mondays too much.
Roméo: But I think I like Sundays the most. Everybody’s home and resting. No work and stuff.
Chris: It’s not like you have a job. You’re always not working.
Roméo: And you are? But that’s beside the point. I like Sundays.
Chris: Yeah, I got that.
Roméo: And now, V’s parents are back, everything’s back to normal.
Chris: Ooooh! I should have seen this one coming. You don’t like Sundays, you’re just happy because now I don’t have to go and feed their cat.
Roméo: You bet I am. No other cat, no dinosaurs, nothing but me, me, and me.
Chris: Princess is not a dinosaur. And sorry to burst your bubble but I’ll be quite busy this week to be at your beck and call. I have tons of things to do before my little trip to Paris.
Roméo: Right. How could I ever forget.
Chris: It’s going to be great, you’ll see. Oh, no you won’t. ‘Cause you won’t be there! I can’t wait for next Sunday!
Roméo: I hate Sundays.

Let Me Entertain You

Chris: I feel so good right now!
Roméo: What? Enjoying your time with your new BFF?
Chris: What?
Roméo: You know what I mean. Her.
Chris: I don’t know what scares me the most. The fact that you know that word or the fact that you know what it means. You read way too much online gossip.
Roméo: Well, I have to entertain myself, don’t I? You’re boring.
Chris: Right. And no, she’s not my new “BFF”. I’m happy because I finally took pictures of Princess. Look.
Roméo: So now you give her a nickname? God, she’s ugly! And huge. She looks weird. Cats aren’t supposed to look like that.
Chris: That’s probably because she’s not a cat, you idiot. It’s Princess, not V’s cat.
Roméo: And who, or what is she? A dinosaur?
Chris: No! She’s a pony! And you know her! It’s Princess! She’s always been here!
Roméo: Nope, never seen that… thing before.
Chris: She’s not a thing! Argh! You’re annoying! I thought you’d be interested!
Roméo: Well, I’m not. I don’t care about your stupid dinosaur. I want to watch CSI.
Chris: Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

Fear Itself

Roméo: You’re really going to do it?
Chris: I guess so.
Roméo: But… I mean, you’re sure?
Chris: Of course I’m not sure, but what choice do I have?
Roméo: I don’t know. You could sell it? Burn it, shred it, I don’t care.
Chris: Are you insane? I can’t do that!
Roméo: But this thing is dangerous. Lethal.
Chris: I know.
Roméo: Then why are you doing it? What good can possibly come out of this?
Chris: Because it’s too late. I can’t get rid of it. I said I would do it, so I’m doing it.
Roméo: What if you get hurt?
Chris: I won’t.
Roméo: But what if you do?
Chris: I survived last time.
Roméo: Cel was here with you last time. I was too. But I’m not sticking around this time.
Chris: I’m a big boy, I’ll survive.
Roméo: But what if you don’t? Who’s going to feed me if you die?
Chris: I’m really touched by your concern for me.
Roméo: You’re welcome.
Chris: And quit being so melodramatic. I’m not going to die. It’s just a book.
Roméo: Yeah, that’s what you said about the movie, you said "it's just a movie". Look how well that turned out. I still have nightmares, you know?
Chris: That’s because you’re a wuss. It’s just a book.
Roméo: No, it’s not. It’s New Moon.
Chris: So?
Roméo: I just want to make sure I’ll still be able to sleep in your room after you’re gone, that’s all.

The Green Eyed Monster

Roméo: Why are you doing this?
Chris: What?
Roméo: What does she have that I don’t?
Chris: Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?
Roméo: I’m talking about her. The other one. V’s cat.
Chris: What about her?
Roméo: You’re going to feed her. Why?
Chris: Because I was asked to. I’m doing a favor for V’s mom. I don’t see what’s the big deal.
Roméo: The big deal is that you’re asked to feed that… that cat and you do it, just like that. But when it comes to feeding me, that’s another story.
Chris: Wow! I can’t believe it. You’re jealous.
Roméo: No I’m not.
Chris: Yes you are. You’d be green with envy if it was physically possible.
Roméo: …
Chris: Are you hungry right now?
Roméo: No. I just ate.
Chris: That’s right. And who fed you?
Roméo: That’s not the point.
Chris: This is exactly the point. I’m not going to stop feeding you just because I’m going to feed V’s cat for four days. It’s not like I’m going to invite her to a tea party or anything.
Roméo: Really?
Chris: Of course. I’m not going to abandon you, you old rag. Now move over, I don’t know where you’ve been, but you stink.

To Kill a Mocking Cat

Roméo: You look stupid with those things.
Chris: And you look stupid all the time. So, I think I’m good.
Roméo: What happened anyway?
Chris: You know what happened.
Roméo: No I don’t.
Chris: Yes, you do.
Roméo: I just want to hear you say it.
Chris: Tough luck.
Roméo: So you’re going in town with those crutches?
Chris: It’s not like I can walk on my hands.
Roméo: But you’ll look ridiculous, I’ve seen you practicing, and you look like a walking disaster.
Chris: Glad I amuse you.
Roméo: Does it hurt?
Chris: You know it does.
Roméo: But does it hurt very much?
Chris: You do know that I won’t hesitate to hit you with those crutches, right?

De L'Hivers au Printemps

Introductions

Roméo : So…
Chris : So what ?
Roméo : So maybe you can introduce me now ?
Chris : Why ? I should introduce myself. People already know you. You’re even on the damn banner.
Roméo : Yeah, what’s up with that by the way ? I am not a cucumber. And you’re always writing about me. Get a life, dude.
Chris : First, don’t call me dude, it’s creepy. And second, stop bugging me, you love the attention.
Roméo: You still need to get a life.
Chris: And you need to be fed five times a day. By me. So Stop. Bugging. Me.
Roméo: Now that you’re talking about it, I am hungry.
Chris: So what do you say?
Roméo: …
Chris: I’m waiting.
Roméo: Okay, you win. I’m sorry, Master.
Chris: See, that wasn’t so hard.

How It All Began

It’s time for you to meet the most incredible, lethal and witty duo of supervillains in training. This duo is comprised of most handsome and clever 23 years old human male you’ll ever meet, me, and his faithful partner in crime, Roméo, a 15 years old, psychotic looking and lazy cat. Bear witness as we take over the world, one argument at a time. Lucky you!
- Chris & Roméo -