War At Home

Chris: I fraking knew it! How could you do this to me?!
Roméo: What?
Chris: Oh, don’t play innocent with me! I know everything! Everything! I can’t believe you would do something like this to me! After all this time!
Roméo: Err… I already apologized about the sock incident!
Chris: I’m not talking about that! I’m talking about the fact that you’re been planning to fraking kill me!
Roméo: What? No! Are you crazy?!
Chris: Right! So that’s how we’re doing this? Doesn’t matter! It’s all perfectly clear now! The dead animals, the unusual friendliness, the staring contests, the staying up at night, it all makes sense! You’ve been studying me for years to come up with the best way to kill me!
Roméo: Can I ask where all of this is coming from?
Chris: Oli sent me this link that took me to a test on the Internet! See, even he’s been suspicious of you. I should have listened to him.
Roméo: I’m not plotting to kill you. I thought we were planning to take over the world together.
Chris: But we’re not. You just want it all to yourself!
Roméo: You’re being paranoid.
Chris: Oh wait! This is about the Battlestar Galactica convention! This is payback for me going without you! So what? You’re going to kill me just because of that, is that it? I thought you were over this!
Roméo: I am over it for frak’s sake!
Chris: But I’m not going to make this easy for you buddy, oh no. You thought I’d be an easy prey! Well, guess what, you were wrong! Just watch me. This is war.
Roméo: I am not trying to kill you. I still need you to feed me everyday.
Chris: You’ll have to find someone else!
Roméo: You’re crazy!
Roméo: (Great, now he knows. He wasn’t supposed to find out! Note to self: add Oli to the list of targets, contact our closest agent).